I have proved through extensive scientific experiment and research that the world can not be round and must be flat ( or at least flattish – for I do admit that there are mountains and valleys and severe molehilling in some places.

In my first experiment I attempted to stand on a ball. I found that I could not balance for more than 57 seconds without falling off – fairly conclusive evidence for even after 27.214 years on this Earth I have not fallen off even once (though there are certain periods of sleep which to be honest I cannot fully account for)

Once I was let out of hospital I undertook my second experiment. This experiment involved water. I placed droplets on a flat surface (an art deco, walnut coffee table) and droplets on a round ball (orange, 22 cm diameter)

The droplets on the ball ran off immediately whereas those of the coffee table remained static.

As the world has a vast amount of ocean I can thus extrapolate from my experiment that if it were round the water would run off leaving a planet which was dry and barren.

I have given a number of lectures at the Mansfield State Mental Home where I live and believe me most of the inmates here are convinced by my hypothesis.